Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
