You made me cry and you don't even care
My liver just broke up with me...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
