Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
