So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
