Im at strip club and am horny
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize