I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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