Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize