The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
