My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
