i permit you to call me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
