Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Come share oat with me in your robe
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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