I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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