I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
