ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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