when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
