Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
