I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
