I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
