someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
