i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
