Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Acid is not a monday night drug
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
