It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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