We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
