I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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