I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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