If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
