Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
