who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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