how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
