What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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