I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
