You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
