ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
