I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize