I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
