textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
