I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
