don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
