bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
