Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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