you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
