Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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