When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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