i think my tv is drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
