New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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