Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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