Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
