I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
