WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
