You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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