she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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