Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
