Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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