I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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