I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
