he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
