Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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