I'm so fucking centered right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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