i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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