just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this just has baby written all over it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
