Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
