tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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