Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
