omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
