Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
