So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
